The James Morrison "You Make it Real" music played on my desktop, as i watch closely at the lyrics and their meaning. The symbolism and the metaphors. Slowly i closed my eyes wishing i could finish the article that i never thought id write. The covers on my bed were ruffled as i stood at the window looking across the edge of the window over looking the lake. For a moment i stood static relishing the beauty the of the freshly cleaned air distilled by the rain.
I leaned forward against my window with my elbows on the window sill, my cigarette in one hand seems to still retain its taste. For some, it offers that security that no matter what happens, it will never change. The bitter taste will always be there, seclusion and solitude of not sharing something that taste so vivid and alive with anyone. Your own personal cigarette. I glanced over my shoulder looking at my bed again, so enticed to continue that dream i was having. I exhaled disappointed with myself. Letting myself down again for the umpteenth time.
I looked again towards the laying lake in front of me focusing the pleasant serene holy passion of a real view in front of. The sound of piano music wakes me from my serene view as i realized that my handphone was ringing.
"Hello, Huzir speaking..." I said, sundays arent really good days for me.
"Zir, this is me....." A trailing shivering voice, familiar. But not familiar enough for me to recognize.
"Who is this again?" I asked trying to be polite, not wanting to offend.
"Its me... Faizal..."
"Zal... oh my god its been ages since i heard from you..." Happy for a moment...
"Zir... we'll catch up later... i need your help... Im in trouble... big trouble.." I sway away from my estaticness for a moment to realize it was panic in his voice.
I hung up the phone and quickly ran out the house picking up my car keys on the living room table and rushed to my car. I got into my car with these visions in my head of the kinds of problems he might be facing.... My head wandered to the past.
Sitting together by the beach with a fire behind us, and two of our closest friends sleeping in the back on the mat in open air. Sipping the bottled drinks in our hands gently listening to the waves crushing against the beach. Under the moon lit beach we both sat looking out into the ocean. We were 17, it was a trip we didnt plan, eating whatever we could find and staying away from home for the next 5 days. I sat there cigarette in hand with my bottle half buried in sand. He lit up a cigarette.
"You know sometimes when i think about the four of us...." He said suddenly as i turned to listen.
"Sometimes i get scared, i get scared that one day, we might never be like this anymore, we might forget just how much we mean to each other. We might stop remembering the bloods we've spilled to protect each other, the tears we've cried for each other... the stories we stop telling people because we get old and forget... forgettting us...."
"Thats never gonna happen... you know that..." I said trying to sound sure. But in truth, i wasnt.
"How do you know?" He said huffing a cloud of smoke from his mouth.
"Coz we're too stupid to live by ourselves. We're gonna always need each other. I mean look at those idiots sleeping, i mean come on. If your gonna sleep in public in open space the least you could do is not show the world what you've got hiding in your pants" I said jokingly as we both turned and laughed at Farid's erection.
We stopped and kept smoking.
"Zir... I want you to remember something... No matter what happens... no matter how long we lose contact from each other... i want you to know that you can find me anytime... if you need my help.... you my brother... youre not just a friend... youre my brother...."
I looked at him smiled and nodded. Faizal was that kind of friend. The older brother you went to for advice. He might not have had his life together but he gave good advice and all three of us looked up to him.
"Zal... no matter how far apart we grow from each other.... i will always be this guy you had a drink and a cig with... i will always be you friend...."
It has been 5 years since i heard from him and i still remembered that promise. The promise we made again the next day after the other two idiots were awake. We took an oath at dawn to the moon and the sun that nothing would ever broke part our friendship. Im honoring it now.
You forget that often at times you are tested by the terms and rules and conditions the world and fate has set for you. But somehow, that night on that beach, the morning we all promised, we all wanted it. We all wanted to tied by the burden of an oath so true that we live it today. That we would drop everything else we were doing just because they asked us to. Just because we knew we had to. Just because we knew we wanted to. Just because we promised to do so.
This is when all that happened in the past mattered, the stories, the drinks, the laughs, the over-running feel of familiarity. Today though, together embroidered with those feelings were nerves, fear and wonder. Will we all be the same when we finally meet? Will we all be able to look at each other, and still remember that a not so long time ago, we could have died for each other. That not so long ago, we defied others so we could be, Ourselves. Forever the lords of our own fate, and the fate of three others we so solemly promised.
Salam Maal Hijrah to all!
