Syawal 1438H

Assalamualaikum.

It's already the 5th day of Eid Al-Fitr. 

Hope it's still not too late to wish you Selamat Hari Raya!!

How's your raya? Seronok? Bosan? Biasa je?

Tahun ni, tahun ke-5 Sab and Hanee sambut raya without Daddy. But it's okayyy. We still have Atoks, Uncles and Brothers around~ =) 

Raya di Johor aja kita. Bila ntah dapat raya jauh. Adakah rezeki? Hanya Allah yg Maha Tahu. 

Dulu berangan nak raya Kedah.. berangan nak raya Sabah... coz of late husband's parents asalnya dari Kedah and Sabah. Tapi tinggal angan-angan aja lah. Huhu. 

It's okay, kalau Sab panjang umur, memang Sab akan bawak Hanee pergi Sabah sana. Amin! But one of late husband's uncle that's in my list to meet sudah passed away last week.. I remember him cause dia datang dari jauh to our wedding in 2011. Innalillahi wainna ilaihi rojiuunn. =(

This year i did not buy any baju raya for myself. Kasut raya pun tiada. Bukan sebab dah beli awal atau apa. Memang tak beli pun. This year, i pakai apa yang ada and i felt happy and bersyukur. =)

However i did buy baju raya for Hanee. kat Tesco. Hahaha, kelakar rasanya. Tiada apa yang nak dimalukan anyway, still cute and cantik-cantik apa. Murah lagi. Adalah 2 pasang baju kurung cotton bunga-bunga and beberapa baju jalan.

And rupa-rupanya, itulah perasaannya... apabila emak abah tidak kisah mereka tiada baju baru, asalkan anak dapat baju baru..kasut raya baru.. =)

Hmm, teringat dulu kecik-kecik, emak abah selalu macam dapat bagi apa yang sab nak... padahal entah-entah mak abah susah payah cari duit supaya sab and adik beradik dapat apa yang kami nak.. =(

Anyway, am still not sure whether this year nak buat open house or not. We'll see lah whether got budget terlebih. Not wajib pun kan? =P . Plus, my house is always open for kawan-kawan to come visit and lepak apa... tak perlu tunggu raya to open the house. Hihi. 

Before i end this post, jomlah kita kumpul duit for ibadah Korban pula ok? Tak dapat seekor, sebahagian pun tidak apa.

Okies bai~ 

Hanee turns Four!

Assalamualaikum!

11th April, Daddy's Orked; Hanee Hanafee turns Four!

I take a day off from work to spend time with my daughter. This year, mommy tak order cake pun. Because... Why birthday mesti ada cake? Why? Why? So no cake this year, for a change. Hahaha. Teruk punya mommy. Kiki. 

Usually for the last three years, i would order birthday cakes from aunty Shaleen. Loyal customer tau. Hihi.

Yesterday, aunty Jane bagi Hanee hadiah toys doctor². She cried coz she was expecting toys princess². Adei... Suruh cakap thank you kat aunty Jane pun dia tak nak. Bertuah punya anak. And then after hantar aunty Jane balik, we hunted for toys princess², tetiba dia nampak toys pizza², as always, dia nak beli dua²! Being a mother, of course i said no, choose one only, and we ended up buying the pizza toys.

And then bila da dlm kereta, dia siap bilang... "Doctor ada, pizza ada, princess belum". Facepalm mommy okay. "u already have princess toys last year. But u didnt play it that much. Mintak toys yg awk nak main sahaja okay" "okay...i am sorry mommy" 

Sometimes i wonder whether i pamper her? But i have tried my very best to be the best version of cool mother any kid would love to have. Hahaha. Ok gebang je lebih. 

In reality, i am garang nak mampos. Kasar tak ingat dunia. To her. And any family members wouldn't deny it. They have witnessed it, the monster-mother side of me. And i am not proud of that, i tell u. I am not. 

I feel bad. I feel like everyday i am sinning... coz of the way i treat and jaga her. With her status as anak yatim. Sudahlah memang diri byk dosa² lain.. I dont know.. i can do better. I am better than this. But the fact that Allah chose me as her mother... And she as my daughter... That means something.. something i should be thankful for. We are best for each other. I didnt pick her. She didnt pick me. We are destined for each other. AllahuAkbar. 

So on this beautiful day, this is my wish, hope n prayer for u Hanee: 

I pray u to grow up dgn sihat sempurna tubuh badan, akal fikiran. 

I pray u to be wiser and matured and independent beyond your age, coz i dont know how long am gonna be around..

I pray u to always remember Allah, ok right now maybe u dont know what Allah Tuhan God is, but sooner or later u will know. And when the time comes.. i want u to learn about Islam by heart. Be solehah by heart. 

I pray u to always be protected by Allah, guided by Allah. 

I pray u to have a big heart and forgive mommy and daddy, maktok, tok abah, uncles, aunties, everyone that have hurt u intentionally or unintentionally. Pls forgive us, sayang. 

And i want u to know that i am sorry for everything and i love u with all my heart. I hurt u, i am mad at u, all that because i dont want u to be like me. I want u to be better than me. 

Happy 4th Birthday Hanee sayang. 

4 years and counting.

We have gone this far and we are gonna keep on dancing and rocking, dear!

I love u Hanee, my baby superhero. I do. 

Hugs and kisses,

Your Mommy Wonderwoman

Muharam 1437

Bismillah. Assalamualaikum.

Hellew! How are u? Yes you, who read this. *winks* Hopefully you are in pink of health.

Hanee and I are doing good. Alhamdulillah.
My baby girl is 2 years 6 months now.. sudah pandai memberi arahan kepada mak nya. "Mommy, buat susu hanee." Amboiiiii. Bossy little daughter! Hahaha. And so far... masih belum bertanya tentang Daddy nya. Fuh. I haven't prepared the answers mannn... haha. 

Last few days... i commented on a friend's instagram.. and she said she kept on re reading this blog.. as she misses it. *terharu*

I miss this blog and writing too, z. I do... your response in that IG became a pushing factor... and so here i am...writing this. Thank you for not giving up on us. *smiles*

I miss all of you.. Alhamdulillah some of you readers  i still keep in touch with... either loudly or silently.. by scrolling down your instagram's pictures or reading your tweets. Haha. Gotcha!

Anyway...i would like to take this opportunity to say.. Selamat Tahun Hijriah 1437... today is 2nd Muharam. Semoga kita semua diberi kekuatan utk melakukan penghijrahan ke arah lebih baik. Semoga Allah tutup jaga keaiban kita...dan semoga dihapuskan dosa dosa kita yg lalu. Aminn.

4th Muharam 1437.. marks 3rd year Arwah being there. Mohon didoakan dihadiahkan Al Fatihah utk rohnya.. semoga tenang dan sejahtera di sana.

Pejam celik pejam celik dah 3 tahun rupanya i've been a single mother. And korang readers pun dah kahwin bagai and beranak pinak.. haha.

Wow. 3 years. I don't even know how do i manage it..huhu. I thank Allah. Alhamdulillah. And my families and friends.... yg byk bagi support. Not an easy path i tell you..despite all those supports... sometimes i still face hari hari yg mendung jatuh down giler tak tau nak cakap kat siapa... but Alhamdulillah.. all of these are what makes me who i am today. =)

So...cheers to the 1437! 

Let's move forward and make happy memories with loved ones!

For those who are still single.. make a goal to get a spouse darlings! It's awesome. Haha

For those who have husband/wife... appreciate them...be romantic..be wild.. be crazy.. and dont forget to say u love each other everyday.

And pls pray for me too. I am single. Hahahaha. 

*winks*

Love,
Sabrina

Wide Awake

It's 12.46 AM and i am still wide awake i can't sleep. I don't know why. Usually i slept early.

Watching Hanee's sleeping face makes me smiles. 90% ikut muka Daddy. Bibir mungil. Bulu mata panjang. Pipi pau. Muka bulat. But no dimple like Mommy. Huhu. But It's okay. =) Thank you Allah. Alhamdulillah.

Just installed a blogger app for mobile. This post is made from the app. I just wanna try the app and see how it goes.

I checked some of the blogs which i used to follow..some of them have stopped writing...since 2009..2012.. Some still writes but not as often as they used to. =) I understood...semua sudah bekerja and ada yg sudah berkahwin...so..ya...we dont have time to write anymore... hehe.

Hmm. I plan to write about the experience of losing a loved one...of giving birth...of struggles as single mother..of everything that we have experienced. =)

Please do not get me wrong. Bukannya nak menyedihkan diri dengan ingat perkara lepas. No no... sharing all those makes me happy and i hope we can learn something from it too. I know whats past is past and i need to move on. Hey, this is me moving on lah ni. Sebab dah start blogging. Haha.

Please wait patiently for the stories or experience, ya?

Take care all of you. Good night.

Love,
S