Steadying the Heart

Today was a different atmosphere in class. We had a presentation of poetry in class and this group of my students picked a particular poem that I had learned to love. "Life's Brief Candle" by William Shakespeare. I still remember the class with Dr. Zalina regarding that poem. A wonderful articulated poem that weakened the hearts of men and champions. Took the breath of children and women alike.

Having asked one of the students to read out loud the poem. I was disappointed. It was lifeless, without conviction and without substance. So i stood up and read the poem out loud. With passion, conviction and an immense feeling of "getting the poem".

Then i went on to explain the essence the poem from my point of view. (You should search for it)

I saw the poem as a reminder that life is so short that we should never forget to live life. Never forget to "keep the fire" burning. The poem is about living life to fullest and when i say living life to fullest im saying be ready to make mistakes and learn from them. Take that leap even when you know you might fall and get hurt. To take the opportunities that come your way and to keep smiling even in the face of adversary. Cry when you must but stop when youve had enough. Dont be reckless with other peoples heart, dont put up with people who are reckless with yours. To live in the moment, to understand that every man dies but not everyman truly lives, because living is not siting idly alone. To make choices, bad ones and good ones and pay the price for every choice you make. And to build up from failure instead of drowning in the sorrows and accepting defeat by sitting down. To choose between being good and better and being the best. because no matter what you do in life, if you are the best at it, no one will remember what you did, they'll just remember that you were the best at it.

To look at life and live it to the fullest. To fall in love and be loved, and lost and to learn to love again. To learn to hate and learn to forget hate. And all this because lifes too short to dwell in the things we cant do or things we're not destined to do. There are too many possibilities in life to be left up to chance. Reach for the moon, and pray that one day youll pull it down to earth, pull it down to earth so it need not be the light that stays too far.

To take life as it comes and embrace it.... whole

Home Library

Ok so Seeing the workspace post by Sabrina made me think about my little dream of having my own personal library. One like my dad used to have. His own library and an office. But i didnt want something yang nampak tua so here are some cool designs i found.

The first and the second ones are rather contemporary. I like the first because it makes books synonymous with entertainment and the second is just plain awesome. The Third Pic rather practical tapi a bit cluttered lah. The fourth and Fifth one is just plain cool and awesome even the awesomest in an orang tua kind of way but i love it. Looks cool an peaceful and elegant!!

Yippie Yai Yay!!

Hari ini Johor Cuti.
Cuti Hari Hol Almarhum Sultan Johor.

Tidak perlu ke tempat pekerjaan dan...
Tiada Isnin yang Biru!!
(Baca Monday Blues)

Yay!!!
=D

Do you chase it too?

Work area at home

Left: In a cupboard! Buka tutup buka tutup. Save space.
Right: Neat. Tapi macam pura-pura je. Takde wayar berselirat semua. Haih.

Left: Ah~ My dream working space!! Minus the headless mannequin.
Right: Clear plastic desk and chair looks cool. But in a bedroom?? Na-ah.
Hanafee wouldn't like it.

Macam serabut dengan banyak benda but this pic got my attention I don't know why.
Perhaps that's the reality. It's supposed to be messy. Hehe.

Closer

Movie Title : CLOSER

“And you left him, just like that?”
“It’s the only way to leave. ‘I don’t love you anymore. Goodbye.’”
“Supposing you do still love them?”
“You don’t leave.”
“You’ve never left someone you still love?”
“Nope.”

My words:
- It's amazing how one can make the complicated simple.
- I havent't watch this movie yet. Hmmph.
- Have you watched it?

Embun Subuh

Bukan salah siapa-siapa
tapi salah kita
yang berani menempah tiket ke neraka

Aku mahu batalkan tiket itu
rasa amat malu pada Tuhan yang satu
Sudikah engkau pulang ke siratulmustakim
bersama aku?

Harap-harap kau jawab ya
Itu hadiah yang paling istimewa
Jika hati belum bersedia
aku tunggu kamu di pintu syurga

Staying and Leaving

It was pretty evident how things never stay the way they are. Everyday we meet new people and some we keep in our hearts forever. Sometimes we find ourselves stuck with a few, and sometimes, no matter how irrelevant and how idiotic it may seems, something always manages to justify staying stuck. There is no proportional matter and nothing seems less significant compared to the other. We tend to forget sometimes we don’t think using our heart, and we tend to remember what we feel instead of what we should be thinking about or what we were thinking at that moment.

I once heard that "I didn’t know where she was, an answer only my heart can think of." Can a heart think? Does it matter? Which is more important? If a heart can think then can it act irrationally and idiotically? If it can then how do we know we're making the right decisions?

This is how we make sure.... we stay anyway, hoping and praying that a miracle might happen. Lightning does strike twice and in the famous words of Aragorn "There is always hope". So how long do we wait? Until the heart "thinks" that its time to leave. Not giving up, just making a rational decision. If a heart is able to think irrationally then it can also think rationally (theoretically speaking of course) When the heart no longer hurts or cries for another touch. But the idea, we stay as long as we can, as timidly as we can, as bearable the pain is, as undeniable as it is, as suffering as it is, as lovingly and passionately as it is.

Sometimes it’s not how we came that matters, its how we stayed through pain and sorrows, through laugh and tears.

Rama-rama

Keluar dari kepompong,
ulat bulu tersorong-sorong,
kemudian jadi rama-rama,
dapat terbang sini-sana.

Terbang gembira sementara sahaja,
hujan turun lemah sayapnya,
bebas dan cantik tidaklah lama,
semua hilang sekelip mata.

Fathers Day

The third week in June. Fathers day. I wanted to write something different this year. I always had this bad habit of being sad when I feel like I miss my dad. So this time no more. This post we'll be about all the things i remember my dad taught me.

The Kite

It had been a windy week and living by the beach, the wind really got you going sometimes. So one day my dad came home with two kites. and two rolls of thread. he helped us to Tie the knots and helped me and my younger brother (my 2 other brothers had things to do i guess) to start flying our kites. The wind was blowing so strong that my brothers thread kept snapping. My dad said the thread were old and they werent strong enough to hold the kite. I was proud that my kite was the only flying... having said that... i pulled my strings a little too strongly and my kite came tumbling down and broke into two. (alah layang layang yang kena buat dari lidi and plastic memang tak kuat pun)

So my dad decided to use my thread and my brothers kite. and the kite flew. Higher and higher. The wind was so strong and consistent the kite was kept flying for three days. my dad had tied the thread to a tree to let it keep on flying. On the third day, a friend came to our house and having the wonderful pride towards the three day kite, my brother and i bragged about it to our friend. Then it became and argument. The thread was mine but the kite was his. The argument got so heated up, out of anger we pulled the kite down and dismantled the kite and the thread. Me holding strong to my thread and my brother holding close to a kite without a thread. Then the wind died. and my dad came home and asked...

"eh mana layang-layang? putus lagi ke?"

"Tak abang fee dah amik balik benang abang..."

My dad was disappointed, i could still remember till this day, that look in his eyes (it was a preview of future disappointments at his boys) and he said.

Akan ada masa nanti, kamu tak boleh duduk sorang sorang... tgk layang layang tu... layang-layang takder benang takleh terbang... kamu takder adik beradik kamu... kamu pun takkan boleh "terbang". Boys, sometimes in life, the price you have to pay for flying high is sharing... who better to share it with if not family????

the kite never flew again... i had an explanation why... but thinking about it now... it didnt make sense... so i wont tell you...

The Addict Step Brother

I have a step brother named suffiyan. A lot older than me, he was 25 when i was 11. or something around those numbers. he had dropped out of UKM medicine faculty because he took drugs. (I never found out what kind of drugs). But he was the hope of my dad. My dad loved him so much, believed in him so much, had dreams for him. And he failed.

After he came back, things were never the same, my dad was always reminded of the disappointment he felt, and my step brother, abang pian, saw himself as a failure and that bred tension. So during one time, the topic of education came up and it again reminded my dad of his step son. After having too much of everything, my step brother bursted with anger.

"abah tak faham, kawan kawan pian dekat KL tu jealous dengan pian, dorang semua sengaja nak perkena pian, dorg semua tipu pian, dorg yang tipu pian untk ambik dadah, dorg semua jealous dengan pian.."

having heard that, my father stood up. and said

"what is it that you have that people would be jealous of? hah pian? apa yang kamu ada?"

he kept quiet. then abah continued.

"Boy do you know whats the worst thing about your failure? the worst thing about it is that, your failure is my failure. You thinking that everyone is jealous of the life you have, is because i never taught you to be humble, to carry yourself as an ordinary person and not someone better, it is because i taught you no humility, that you are not humble, it is because of your arrogance you are where you are today, and that is my fault."

I remembered every word, and years later in Rudyard Kipling i found the same advice

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch

Be humble, you might have enough for life, but you have nothing that anyone might be jealous about. i remember that, and i still believe in it. i keep my head down, and i have nothing that others want.

So here it is, i dont know whats the tone of this post, it sounds good. It sounds solid. So ill end it there.

dear abah,

abang fee rindu abah, sangat sangat, id trade anything, anything in my life to have just one more day with you. because i remember, that i never really appreciated you when you were here. I wish you could have met Sabrina, you would have loved her, shes just like you, bossy but smaller. I wish you could have seen my graduation day, the robe was green just like yours, i wish you could be here and teach me nya anto and abang wan to stop being boys, we're idiots still youre guidance now would have been much appreciated, i wish you could be here to hear my arguments, i swear im much more matured than before, i swear, i wish you were here.... I miss you abah.... we all do... Happy fathers day.

In memory of

Dr. Abdul Rahman bin Juman

Father, Husband, friend, voice of reason.

Google Addict

Hi. My name is Sabrina. I am a google addict.
Whenever a question comes to mind, i'm just like 'Google it up lah'!

I google everything. Things related to studies from classes... issues related to work from office... books i wanna buy... places i wanna go... people i wanna find...pictures i wanna use...

With Google,
I can get instructions on how to do something... I can find solutions to problems. I can collect info about anything.

How do you think I learn English? By using Google!!! Grammar, spelling, definitions...just google yo!!

Plus, Google is FREE. With Gmail account, you can use more Google products!! The picture below shows the current Google products that I use. *winks*

Erm.. ok. Terlebih excited pulak. Haha.

Dan aku petik...

We have ONE big machine in the office.
Everybody uses it for printing, scanning and photostating.
Everybody, from all projects.
We have to queue, we have to wait, patiently.

We have ONE big machine in the office.

Dapur Best

I think Hanafee loves these two.
But I don't like it. Simply because I can't see ants.
I don't want ants or flies or any other insects in the kitchen!!


Simple yet Calming.


Too white? Too colorful?
But I like it. ^_^

Saya suka meja makan macam ini.
Bukan yang besar gedabak macam orang kaya itu.

Hahaha.

p/s: Do you realize that I love wooden floor? *smiles*

Some days are better than others...

Hidup tidak selalunya indah... Langit tak selalu cerah
Suram malam tak berbintang... Itulah lukisan alam

(pinjam lirik lagu nasyid jap hehe)

Even Yasmin Ahmad...

After preparing things for tomorrow (first day at work), I opened Google Reader and saw an update from Yasmin Ahmad. I clicked her link and I saw this:

"Seraphine". Shepherdess, housekeeper, self-taught artist, genius. Watch her story at GSC One Utama.

And this thought came to mind.... "Even Yasmin Ahmad likes the movie!! "

Hahaha =D

Kerja

Aku tidak merungut pasal kerja. Mama kata merungut pasal kerja nanti jadi tak ikhlas, and nak jadi pendidik ni mesti kena ikhlas. Mesti kena ada tempat dalam hati untuk disembunyikan benci dan marah. Aku sedar itu, aku sediakan satu daerah dalam hati yang paling dalam untuk benci dan marah. Selebihnya untuk cinta dan gembira.

Aku tidak merungut pasal kerja, sebab aku tahu kerja aku mulia. Kerja aku mendidik anak bangsa. bukan aku kata aku yang mulia, banyak jugak cacat cela manusia biasa ni. tapi ntahlah, ada masa di pejabat aku rasa tidak selesa. Seperti diperhatikan, dinilai dan dipersoal.

"Eh ko bukan dah keje lama ke? apsal ko tak confirm lagi?"

Confirm tak confirm. Soalan sering aku ditanya. Terdetik sekali dua, dalam hati, aku tak bagus berkerja? atau terlalu banyak cuti?

jawapan aku pada semua, aku senyum, "takper.. tak kisah pun"

lirik mata menjeling, benci melihat aku yang mereka sangka cuba berlagak cool. Bukan berlagak cool tapi aku memang tidak peduli. Apa beza confirm dengan tidak?

confirm ada insurans (itu aku sudah ada)
ada annual leave (takpa potong saja gaji aku kalau aku bercuti, baru bersih gaji aku biar pasti halal)
kalau kahwin dapat cuti and bonus (aku ada simpanan dan aku mampu dipotong gaji dua minggu, lagipun kegembiraan bersama isteri tidak dinilai pada gaji)
increament (naik gaji???? mungkin buat masa ini aku selesa dengan gaji aku)

Jgn salah faham, semua kelebihan ini kalau diberikan kepada aku, aku terima dengan hati yang gembira. Tapi, kalau orang tidak memberi, aku tidak menuntut, mereka enggan memberi kerana mereka rasa aku tidak layak seadanya, takpa, beri aku masa, biar aku tunjuk pada mereka, hebat aku pada pentas dunia. Nanti kamu berikan juga kepada aku naik gaji tu.

Kerja aku memenatkan. Aku tidak penat melihat pelajar aku yang melopong dihadapan dengan mulut terbuka tidak faham dengan slanga bahasa aku yang ntah dari mana. Tapi aku gembira bila aku terus menerang, mata mereka bercahaya, mereka menganggap aku sebaya.

"Mr. H hisap rokok tak?"
"Dulu hisap macam kereta rosak, sekarang dah kurang, social smoker je"
"Mr. H nak?" disuanya rokok kepada aku. dan aku gapai, aku faham, egonya tinggi sedikit, gurunya menerima pemberian tidak seberapa. Ya aku ingat juga Dr. Ismaz di dalam pejabatnya berkongsi rokok dan cerita. Sayang jgn marah ya? betul tidak selalu kadang-kadang sahaja.

Aku suka pelajar aku. Mereka rasa aku sebahagian dari mereka dan serius aku cuba, kadangkala untuk menjadi sebahagian daripada mereka. Bukan perasan muda, just mahu mereka tahu, tidak perlu menjadi skema kalau nak berjaya. Asalkan hati dan minda mahu mencuba. Aku yakin mereka boleh dan akan berjaya.

So kenapa tulis post bodoh panjang berjela? Sebab aku tidak suka filing. Pening. Dokumen aper kat maner saper punyer? argh malas aku nak pikir! blog lagi best. Tapi takper, semester akan buka semula, pelajar akan datang semula, dan aku akan ada satu lagi peluang. Membuat mereka bangga, mejadi insan mengejar pendidikan.

Séraphine Louis

From left: Movie poster, Yolande Moreau as Seraphine, Seraphine paints.
Below: The real Seraphine Louis (1864-1948).

“Seraphine”. Filem Antarabangsa dari Perancis.

Tentang seorang pelukis. Namanya Séraphine Louis.
Tentang seorang pengumpul seni. Namanya Wilhelm Uhde.
Oh bukan. Ini bukan kisah cinta. =P

Séraphine yatim piatu. Dia seorang pembantu rumah pada waktu siang bertukar menjadi seorang pelukis pada waktu malam. Tidak banyak bercakap tapi suka menyanyi. Sangat cinta pada alam dan tumbuh-tumbuhan. Tidak pernah masuk kelas melukis. Pandai melukis dengan sendirinya, dari hati. Séraphine melukis dengan campuran buah-buahan, bunga-bunga, lumpur, arak hinggakan darah. Apa-apa sahaja yang dia jumpa dan lihat yang dirasakan boleh guna untuk melukis.

Wilhelm, seorang pencinta dan pengkritik seni yang homoseksual @ gay. Selalu bersama adik perempuannya. Wilhelm lah orang pertama yang membeli lukisan Seraphine, malah lukisan Picasso juga.

Things I learnt from the movie:

• Kalau manusia dah memang minat sangat akan sesuatu, Perang Dunia Pertama pun tak dapat menghalang dari melakukan apa yang kita mahu.
• Kurangnya duit bukan penghalang untuk seseorang menjadi apa yang dia mahu jadi. Contohnya pelukis. Takde duit, guna lah benda free!! hehehhehe.
• Menyentuh atau bercakap dengan tumbuh-tumbuhan, pokok, sungai, alam semula jadi dan binatang adalah sesuatu yang menenangkan hati.
• Dapat wang yang banyak serta merta boleh menjadikan seseorang boros. Huhu (Kena batang hidung sendiri)
• Semua manusia ada “dark side” masing-masing.
• Mengharapkan sesuatu sangat sangat dan kemudian tidak dapat, boleh menjadikan seseorang itu gila. Lebih lebih lagi kalau tiada kawan di sisi.
• Sedalam mana pun minat kita terhadap sesuatu, jangan biarkan diri tidak terurus.
• Tidak ada manusia yang mahu hidup dalam kekotoran, tetapi kemiskinan menyebabkan mereka terpaksa hidup BERSAMA kekotoran. Kalau diberi peluang, semua manusia mahukan sesuatu yang bersih dan cantik.
• Terimalah ahli keluarga seadanya. Walaupun gay. Sebab dia darah daging kita.
• Jangan pandang rendah atau memijak orang bawahan. Mereka pasti mempunyai bakat atau kepandaian yang tersembunyi.

Filem ini lambat. Tidak sesuai untuk orang-orang yang suka pada romantika dan kepantasan.

Sekian.

p/s: Japanese Film Festival 2009 is just around the corner. Arghh!!!! Why oh why semua mesti ada di Kuala Lumpur?!!

Say No to Alcohol

An attempt to be a designer. =)

Fonts: Octin Spraypaint Free + Kozuka Gothic Pro B
Tools: MS Word 2007
Software: ScreenHunter 5.0 Free

Anyway, I just found out through Google that persons who consume two or three pounds of grapes daily grew fat!!

1 pound = 0.4536 kilograms.

p/s: Aku memang dah suka anggur. Lepas ni kalau beli, kena beli banyak banyak!! =D

Lovely Bouquets

Pictures from AbbeyGoesDesignScouting.

Dua gubahan bunga bunga Peonies and Hydrangea.
Love the color combinations. =)

Go Bold with Colors!!

Colors make me happy!!!

p/s: pictures from google. ;)

What do you think??
=)