Showing posts with label Awan Awan Fikiran. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Awan Awan Fikiran. Show all posts

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Negativity


A few days ago a friend of mine was a reading a blog and she kept telling people to come read it on her laptop. I didnt go over to read the post, but it somehow crept its way to the usual lunch session with friends. Apparently this person wrote a pretty negative post about something, being a literature student and having read some of the worst things ever published on paper, I have found that very little surprises me about what people think and put on paper (or digitally). I listened to their conversation intently with a little bit of regret not having read the post myself. Primarily because if I did I would have been more engaged in the conversation itself. But from the bits and pieces that I did collect though, I realized that my main concern had little to do with the issue rather than the writing itself.

I believe entirely that "the pen is mightier than the sword." Writers (blogs or books) have a social responsibility. Writers are the social commentators of society and the authorial defined society in which is jotted down will one day be used as material to define the context and situation of society. The writer is the reflection of its society. And even though most writers have found glory in defying convention, much honor has also been placed by those who stayed within the lines of societal norms.

When I write, sometimes, I write with emotion, with anger, sadness and a whole lot of other negative emotions. But sometimes, I wish, people would be a little bit more positive. Just so that in a 100 years people will read these "digital net of information" and think of how positive the days were "back then" and strive to be just as positive.

Bahz Lurhmann once said :-

"Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rises, politicians will philander, you too will grow old, and when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders."

Maybe thats exactly what the future needs. Maybe what the future needs is something written 50 years ago which tells them that politicians were noble, and that prices were reasonable and that children really did respected their elders. Maybe by giving this to them they'll strive for a better society. A more positive society.

There is just too much negativity in the world today. Never-ending civil war in Africa. Natural disasters destroying nations and families. A prime time news session filled with murders and suicides. Maybe all these are happening because there are less and less positive things written nowadays. People spend hours noting on blogs and books and reports and journals and stories that the world has gone bad, that our society has decayed, and all this without ever really acknowledging the success we have had over time. Malaysians have sent a man to space. Our illiteracy rate is lowest of all the third world nations. Malays now are 11 times more involved in running the nation then they were in 1952. Chinese in Malaysia today are 14 times more richer (considering gdp and inflation rate) compared to 1930 and the number of professional Indians in our country has steadily grown over the years in increasing numbers. Yes we have problems but no nation is perfect, no civilization is perfect, Rome was not built in a day.

I am a fairly open minded person. I am far from perfect, if anything there have been mistakes in my life, in the immediate past, which I am not proud of. I have often at times let my emotions get the better of me. I have swayed from the right path and in the process condemned myself to total idiocy too....

But the world need not be a worst place because of it, and writers need to acknowledge it. A thousand years ago "history were written by kings who have hanged heroes." But nowadays, with the internet, those who are writing now, are writing history. What we say, or write, are the words in which our world today is being painted through our eyes. How the picture turns out, very much relies on the words we use today. Most people write for leisure, just "venting" they call it. But writing is much more than just that. Writing is about convincing people, injecting ideas into their brains and with that, writing must come, with a specific set of responsibilities. One cannot write purely on the basis of free speech without having the intellectual courtesy of at least "trying not to offend anyone." One cannot write simply on the grounds that "this is my opinion and you have to respect it even if you dont like it."

I love the fact that more and more people are blogging nowadays. With the vast amount of information available online whether through academic research or day-to-day experience, these information can seem like a finite number of books. And very much like books, some are written to offend, though it should not be a target that a writer strives for.

People are growing more courageous at writing which is a good thing. Because they know a lot of people are thinking what theyre thinking but someone needs to write it down. But it is a cowardly action in actuality, when you write because you are aware of the fact that when you write something negative, the only consequence you face are a bunch of comments disagreeing with you. Writers all, be aware that what you write affects people. Once youre aware of that fact, why not take a turn and start affecting people in the right way. Im just saying, then again, what do I know. :p

Monday, January 24, 2011

38 and counting...

38 days! =O

50% Excited. 50% Scared.

Dup dap dup dap dup dap.....

Will there be any difference?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Randomness

  1. I can't believe that i have no time to blog anymore.......... I miss this HanafeeSabrina. =(
  2. When i am writing, I type and delete, type and delete, and then google definition, google words... just to make sure what i write is ok and the grammar is correct. But heck, it is so time consuming and i think i have no-confidence-in-writing disease. Damn. I hate the fact that i am not a good writer but I'm awesome in editing and proofreading. =P
  3. I'm already involved in 6 projects and the 7th is knocking at my door. Too many business processes to install in my mind. I feel like my hand is already full but it is safe to say that everything is still under control. My own expectation is high and i don't wanna disappoint myself.
  4. I don't know what to blog anymore. I wanted to blog about my engagement but it feels personal, I wanted to blog about work but it feels confidential. I wanted to blog about what i see, what i hear, what i think.... but then... why should i blog about it? Why? Why do i have to share with everyone and make it public? Why? There are things that we should just keep to ourselves. Because the moment we let it out, it might change something. And that something is very subjective.
  5. I don't like this post. Too many "I"s.
  6. Hmmph. It took me hours to finish this post. *sighs*
  7. That's it. I filter my words.
  8. Whatever.
  9. Ok. I think i should stop now.
  10. Bye.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Voices in my head

Kalau setiap kali tulis pun nak fikir apa pandangan orang bila dah baca.
Baik tak payah tulis kan?

Kalau setiap kali cakap pun nak fikir apa pandangan orang bila dah dengar.
Baik tak payah cakap kan?

Kalau setiap kali buat something nak fikir apa pandangan orang bila tengok.
Baik tak payah buat kan?

Tak payah buat semua. Simpan je dalam mimpi. Simpan je dalam otak dalam hati.

Tak boleh. Itu tak boleh. Ini tak boleh.

In your dream. IN YOUR DREAM.

Kita hidup bermasyarakat.

Unless you are living with people yang tak kisah. Then that's fine. Good for you.

Whateva~

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Wedding Blog or Journal?


I'm thinking of creating a wedding blog... but i also want to have a special journal where i can jot down engagement & wedding ideas, plans or wishes... and then paste all the inspirational pictures that i have collected from the web... I can just choose either one. So mana satu? Online blog or Offline journal? Hmm... let's do the pros and cons.

Online Wedding Blog Pros...
  1. Easy to copy and paste inspirational pictures.
  2. Easy for Hanafee to review and give his comments and ideas.
  3. Easy to maintain as long as there's internet.
  4. Easy for others to give their advices, suggestions as well.
  5. Easy to make categories. Just use label.

Online Wedding Blog Cons...
  1. Hard to share with the parents; will have to open the blog and show them post by post.
  2. Cannot bring the whole blog contents to wedding window shopping.
  3. Cannot design the blog itself or every post as creative as i wish.
  4. Troublesome in case i want to add extra notes. Must search and find the post.
  5. Cannot update if there's no internet.
  6. No privacy no surprise since every plan, idea and decision are made public.
  7. Sakit kepala & mata. Coz of cahaya screen computer.

Real Wedding Journal Pros...
  1. I can jot down whatever i like anyhow anywhere i want. Handwritten journal. Classic!
  2. I can design every page creatively!
  3. Easy to share with parents or family. Just show them the journal!
  4. Easy to bring while wedding window shopping! Yay.
  5. Easy to share with Hanafee when he comes here. Or just bring along to KL and tada~ we can discuss face to face, better. Hehe.
  6. Privacy is there. Since only few people can see the journal. Mostly family and very close friends. =)
  7. Can still update the journal even if there's no internet. *winks*
  8. No problem if i want to add extra notes. Just find the page and jot it down yo!
  9. Tak sakit kepala and mata. No need to sit in front of computer.

Real Wedding Journal Cons...
  1. Have to print pictures found in color.
  2. Get dirty with glue since nak kena paste pictures, hiasan semua. haha.
  3. Time consuming since nak nampak cantik cantik every page semua.
  4. Have to wait for the time Hanafee will come over or me to KL baru dapat share.
  5. Leceh nak divide journal into categories. Takut terlebih terkurang pages.

Ok... i think i have found the winner.

I am gonna have a Wedding Journal! Yay!

Friday, January 1, 2010

2010


Few would have the privilege to say that 2009 was a good year. Even I, having looked at 2009 found very few to be happy about. None the less. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger. We are supposedly stronger than we were the year before and we are supposedly still here to fight for another year. I always start my new year reminiscing about my dads words.

"With a new day comes new strength to soldier on, and with a new year comes new hope."

Always i have used these words to get me through the year. But something occured to me while i was writing this article. It is time to make my own words. My own phrase which i can one day pass down to my children as a legacy. Something to remember me by. I couldnt decide though on what to particularly write or say. So, I want all of you to decide. A good chance to if anyone is actually reading. Leave a comment selecting the best phrase that you think best suits this blog.

"A new year gives you another 365 days to be awesome!"

or

"A new year is the opportunity to re-do last year, only better and awesomer"

or

"Let the past 365 days be the measurement in which you will surpass yourself. My young padawan. (Ive always wanted to write a star wars preference)

or

"Be born in any year but be awesome every year"

or

"Find love, compassion, trust, friendship, loyalty, bravery in the new year, and next year, find more of it."

So those are just some that Ive thought of throughout the night. What better way to end the year then to give people a chance to read about all the things you believe a new year represents. Just our little way of telling everyone reading, Happy New Year. 2010 can be awesome, but only if you make it awesome! Bye!!!!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Sedih tapi ketawa?

Ada tak sesiapa yang pernah rasa macam... dalam diri dia tidak sama dengan luar diri dia?
Your insides don't match up with your outsides. I'm not talking about baju dalam baju luar ok. More to... feelings.

You know you are sad about something but you can still laugh about it. It confuses other people, but not you.

And when one asks "How can you laugh?". You don't know the answer and you begin to ask yourself too, "How can I laugh?"

Ini bukan menyembunyikan perasaan tau. Yang bila kita ada cerita sedih tapi kita beritahu orang cerita gembira dan kita pun pura-pura gembira. No..no.

Ini tentang kita ada cerita sedih dan kita beritahu orang cerita sedih itu dan semasa bercerita itu kita boleh ketawa.

Faham tak?

Hmmph, siapa pernah begitu? Adakah itu normal?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Apabila sudah tua...


Apabila sudah tua,
aku mahu jadi seperti ini.

Persoalannya,
sempat ke aku jadi tua?

Aku tidak mahu orang lain ganti tempat aku.
Sedihnya.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Current thinking


Selama beberapa hari jauh dari dunia latihan industri/dunia pekerjaan (sbb aku jatuh demam), aku mula berfikir…

“Adakah ini masa depan aku nanti?”
“Betulkah ini yang aku inginkan?”
Maksud aku, takkan ini saja? Pastinya ada lebih dari sekarang, kan?

Aku tak boleh bayangkan aku menjalani hidup ini dengan membuat sesuatu yang sama berulang-ulang kali, walaupun aku tahu aku akan menghadapi cabaran yang berbeza setiap hari. Bukanlah aku menyesali keputusan sendiri, malah aku berbangga. Cuma, hari demi hari, I want to do more.

Terjerat dalam rutin akhirnya akan membuat aku rimas. Tidak bosankan kamu bila melakukan perkara yang sama sahaja sepanjang hidup? Aku ini sentiasa berubah-rubah dan aku tidak suka rutin, tetapi perubahan dan expectations menakutkan aku juga!

Aku tak mahu sampai aku tak mampu menjangkau semua expectations, aku akan malu semalu-malunya kalau aku tahu yang aku berpura-pura berjaya je selama ini. Aku takut aku tak dapat menjadi sebagus yang aku fikir atau sebagus yang aku sepatutnya jadi.

Aku ada ego. Call her Summer. Seriusnya Summer macam seriusnya Cikgu English kau.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Why i like stars...


Someone asked me this question a few days ago online and i gave them an answer which i thought would be cool to share. Yes for everyone this is another supposedly beautiful writing. hehe Enjoy

Why do i like the stars???

Because by looking at them we feel that we cease to be earthbound and burdened with practicality. it allows you to ask the impertinent question. Talk about ideas nobody has even thought about yet. Put things in a different way, look at things in a different way, putting things in a different perspective. It allows you to be poets if you absolutely must. Its a reminder that even when you are distanced so far apart there are always ways to reach out. It tells you to reach out. It makes you remember of distant and past times in history when man kind sat in this very same place and looked at it. When they sat in different places but gazed upon the very same star. it connects people, it reminds them they too can shine.

Reaching for the stars means to aim for greatness, to aim for something better, to reach for something better, then if the stars could gaze upon us then they would tell us stories of how beautifully we loved, how passionately we loved, and how painfully we loved. And in all those beauty, passion and pain, they will stand still jealous of humanity for being able to even feel love.
Thats why i like watching at the stars.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Words (ramblings)


Words are what keeps me company. It gives me a sense of existence and only through my writing do i truly understand why i do what i do. Only through the strains of sometimes incoherent words that i understand the need for me to keep on writing. To keep on making people read the words that i most of the time i keep for myself. My mother once said to me that "Your words are God's gift to you, share it.." So i keep writing. I keep writing and composing sentences hoping that maybe one day people would understand that my gift to humanity are my words.

My gift to humanity is to make them see the addictive affect of the words. Some people spend their whole lives writing and never understanding why they write. Who are they writing for. What they're writing for. I said to a group of young people the other day, whats the point of speaking in public if what you say is going to be forgotten entirely? What the point of writing an assignment if it is meant to be kept away in a dustbin? Whats the point of writing at all if you cant pour your heart and soul to every word that you believe in? Whats the point of writing if you dont even try to be different?

I dont want to be "general", i dont want to be the same, i do not want to conform, i dont want to be average, and i refuse to be tied down. I just want to write......

Let me write my words, let me tell the world what i know. Let me compose stories for you that will take you flying to the ends of the world. Let me write poems that will tease your tears. Let me compose my ideas that will make you think of more ideas. Let me type the words that eases the mind, let me write between and across lines and boundaries, let me use the whole page of paper as it is and not how you tell me to. Let me write in cursives, let me write in bold. Let me be bold when i write. Let me write about life, love and hate, war and peace, heart and soul, fiction and true, magical and fantasy, motivational and inspirational. Just... let me write...

I have been a literature student for three years. I have been taught to write about what is asked of you. Write what we tell you to write. If i have learned anything in my three years here... it is this....

I want to write about anything and everything i want to. I want to write about suicide and poverty, i want to write about euthanasia and genocide. I want to write about myself and I. I want to write like im singing. I want to sing like im writing. I want to understand why i write.... so the next time i write.... i might find the answer that i have asked myself since i can remember...

"Why do I write??"

Sunday, February 24, 2008

An Empty Chair


This is basically rants I have because i have not been able to sleep. Just felt like writing something nice for people to read. Something Nostalgic. Something..... literary significant....

.............................................................................................................................

As i open the window to the vast empty life that fills the tables in front of me, i have come to realize that maybe my life has not been that wonderful. I might have been acknowledge and duly attended to and yet there is a feeling of a destiny unfulfilled. A job not done. A word not said. A life not begun. I have no idea actually how to go through life. I even sometimes wish i had hunches on how to go through life, but i don't. The reality of it is this. I am scared of what life has in-store for me. i am afraid of looking down the road behind me and realizing that in the past few years i have lost my self. I am scared of losing my passion. The passion i have grown inconsiderably fond of. The passion that makes my heart pound in a million beats just thinking or talking about it. My passion for good, uncensored by culture, significant, untimingly beautiful writing. A string of words attached together to create chains of sentences which feeds the soul, clams the mind and questions convention. The passion to look at every day of life as a day that started as a surprise. i dare not question what life has lined up for me, for i am afraid life forgot about my passion.

When i talk about what i love most, writing, i am also questioned to the idea of losing that love for words. That gazing amazement towards literature, that quip of laugh at a smart line and an awe for the amazingly patriotic, passionate, true lines written then spoken. The structurally sound format of writing a speech that breaks boundaries and questions and defies conformity and mindless obedience. That rebellious flair for disobedience and self worth. The truth.

Words are not spoken, they are read. And reading them aloud is just a form of hellish repetition and yet reading, understanding and a little bit of imagination... is what i like to call... magic.

The gift in life for me is my love for words. My love for the beautifully written, the ugly truth, the luxurious and vast quantities of unneeded words in order to exaggerate what is beautiful into godliness. The pink in a flower petal, the gold in the sun, the blue in the sky... simplest joy of words that has touched and made the imagination of millions in the world soar like eagles.

I am afraid of losing that i am in love with. I am afraid of losing my passion of the wonderfully written. And i am afraid that one day i might lose the passion of not only to read and understand, but also i am afraid of one day losing my ability to write as beautifully as i want. "Do not restrict me, let my words be beautiful because my life is not" Thoreau.

Then do not restrict me, let me write what i want, how i see fit. Let me gaze upon the inevitable truth and string the words of my life into sentences to tell the story of a lifetime. Let me sink the world in a sea of words so beautiful that god gazes upon it just a minute longer. Let my writing stop time and death so when in the future when men will still adore literature, they will adore what i have written and find me....immortal....

.............................................................................................................................

p/s - i wrote this just because i was writing down what i was feeling in my head... yeah i do that sometime.. i feel it and i write it down... you might not understand it... but i just wanted to write something.... well... something beautiful... enjoy..

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Hero


In literature... The hero is defined as a main character who undergoes a journey and is transformed to be a better person by the end of the journey. An antagonist who always tries to do the right thing. Even if it was something bad, it would usually be justified.

In todays culture a hero is symbolized through various ways. We have the more famous superheroes like Superman, Batman, Spiderman etc. In greek mythology or history we have that of Achilles, Hercules, Philatetis. Malay culture we have Tuah, Nadim and they were all considered heroes. Having your name written amongst these men would probably seem cool but i would actually disagree. Okay! explanation time, the reason why im writing this blog is because late late night in bed my friends and i had this discussion (more like small talk actually) where they said "


"wouldnt it be great if we had superpowers where we could save the world??"

Yeah its a childish conversation to have, but everything can be "matured" you know. I disagreed in quiet. The hero complex happens to every guy. Well almost every guy. The need to protect. The need to save. The need to be looked up to. But not all are built this way. There so much great thing to be admired towards a hero. Like a story, but whats more important is the stories that are left untold.

A hero is lonely. He will never truly be happy with anyone. This is my theory. The larger-than-life you become, the more the lack of little things hurt you. Lets take some examples, Superman will out-live any women he is in love with. Whats even worst so will his child. Both of them (or more) will have to go through the agony of losing a loved one, maybe more than once in their long life time. and since supermans child would be half human, the child might not even be immortal. NOTHING is more wrong than having to bury your own child. He will feel that and its inevitable.

Batman has lost both of his parents and not being able to stick to one relationship, he will probably die alone in his room, robin will get older, and die all the same and no one will ever really know them...

Achilles will have blood stained on his hands forever, the eyes of the people he killed will haunt his dreams and he cannot share his nightmare (to be exact) with anyone. I mean come on, he killed the cousin of his lover, theres no way that relationship is going to work.

Tuah, has had to go through the death of three of his five brothers and having to kill his last brother by himself. Killing your brother, the only fragment of your past where you lived with a smile. Betrayed by the people he believed in most. He, will die knowing he ended his brothers life, for the sake of people who earlier tried to execute him.

Can we live like a hero? Can we save the people around us not just from everything else but also from themselves?? Can we stay alone for the rest of our lives??

These so called hero has one problem and one problem only. The fact that they are larger than life. The fact that they are larger than life makes everyone around them think, that maybe, they dont need trivialities such a hand to hold, a loved one to hug, a brother to talk to, a family..........

When you are larger than life... then everything else seems trivial. that is why in the end... what hero wants.... is to be normal.... to like everyone else... to be average... to live life not be larger than it....

someone once said "living is not about the moments that you take a breath... but moments that take your breath away..."

possibly, in taking away other people breaths by creating moments... these heroes.. forgot to have moments that take their breaths away....

Friday, December 15, 2006

I do

Everything i've said had its purpose. Same goes to the things i didn't say. The message is there, said or not. Everyone does this. Most of them don't do it intentionally. I do.

I'll just change d name to protect the innocent, or maybe just say I'm changing d name to make them think the innocent has been protected. Until then, enjoy your days and remember the past or the future doesn’t really exist. They can only be made in the mind. Regret nothing from yester-events and don’t fear anything up and coming, because the only place is here and the only time is now.

unknowable

In carefully scrutinizing the affairs of the past, we find that there are many different opinions about them, and that there are some things that are quite unclear. It is better to regard such things as unknowable. As for the things that we dun understand, there are ways of understanding them. furthermore, there are some things we understand juz naturally, and again some that we cant understand no matter how hard we try. This is interesting. This is very profound. It is natural that one cannot understand deep and hidden things. Those things that are easily understood are rather shallow.